It’s gift-giving season again, which means bracing yourself for the annual humiliation ritual of proving you understand your loved ones. And if you’re here, you probably have that person in your life—the one who “knew about that before it was cool,” and claims consumerism is immoral while collecting $90 candles that smell like “a Victorian girl’s fever dream.”
We’re here to help. This is ODDCRITIC’s shopping list for the terminally hard-to-shop-for friend: the esoteric one. We scoured the internet’s back alleys to assemble the only gift guide worthy of someone who thinks Praying is too mainstream now.
For the Fragrantica Heads
☆ Pearfat Parfum “Bread and Roses”
if they like to indulge in Japanese milk bread
☆ Barre Studio “Skank”
if they want their décolletage to wax poetic
☆ Chronotope “Me/Dea Eau de Parfum: A Perfume for Mercy”
if they need to ask the universe for forgiveness in 2026
☆ Liza Pittard “Stone”
if they over-romanticize walks in the forest
☆ Hollywood Gifts “Centerfold”
if they want to smell like Anna Nicole Smith
For the Ex-Mubi Subscribers
☆ misc-en-scène “femcel collection”
if they want film merch that doesn’t make them look like a podcaster
☆ VHSGIRL “Custom VHS Painting”
if their real VHS collection is caked with dust
☆ Criterion Collection “Wanda”
if they claim they’d pick something “niche” in the Criterion Closet
☆ Neon “Anora ‘Little Wifey’ Thong”
if they’re hot but also insist on funding Oz Perkins movies
☆ Superyaki “I Love Erotic Thrillers Sticker”
if they need to replace their tacky “Don’t honk at me, I’ll cry” bumper sticker
For the Performative Readers
☆ Mindy Seu “A Sexual History of the Internet”
if you want them to go “wow this looks right up my alley”
☆ Peter Vack “Sillyboy”
if they are in a co-dependent relationship
☆ Jordan Castro “Muscle Man”
if they lowkey have orthorexia
☆ Richie Shazam “Shazam”
if they’re not one for the written word
☆ Honor Levy “My First Book”
if they finally grew out of Red Scare
☆ Alissa Bennett “Taxidermist’s Handbook”
if they’re still mourning the death of tabloid magazines
For the Social Smokers
☆ Edie Parker “Gemstone Lighter Case”
if they always ask you for a lighter
☆ Vat19 “Cigarette Birthday Candles”
if they make it to their next birthday
☆ Etsy “Vintage Cigarette Holder”
if they only smoke because of Betty Draper
☆ Fashion Brand Company “Lazy Pants Soft Linen Cigarettes”
if they often smoke alone on chilly mornings
☆ Legssss “Cross Sleeves”
if they need to keep their dainty wrists warm while they drag
For the Y2K Obsessed
☆ Nikolas Bentel Studio “PC Folder Wallet”
if they need somewhere to keep their malware
☆ Pippi Nola “Glow Sticker Pack”
if they used Photobucket for their Nexopia and MySpace profiles
☆ Collina Strada “Rhinestone Water Bottle”
if they’d rather die than be seen using a Stanley
☆ Blondita “Smart Ass Underwear”
if they shopped at Limited Too
☆ I’m Sorry by Petra Collins “Heart Nail Earrings”
if they saw Kreayshawn live once
