Stumped on what to gift your esoteric/bleached-brows girlfriend? Or, sorry, maybe your micro-bangs/cinephile non-binary partner? Your shopping budget won’t allow for a $300 Diptyque Fragrance, or even a $100 candle. Annual lists from sites like Goop or Vogue cannot save you from the curated hellscape of your shallow pockets and their niche interests. Lucky for you, we have carefully put together the perfect gift guide for your beloved significant other, with all items falling under a hundred bucks. Thank us later!
Champagne Socialist Perfume Oil – $5 to $25
If your Sig. O. is into fragrance but you can’t break the bank on the typical lux brands, you MUST check out Champagne Socialist—A Canadian-owned perfumery that specializes in impressions (or dupes) of your favourite well-known scents for a fraction of the price. They have an exhaustive collection of femme, masc, and unisex scents that mimic the notes of perfumes from Maison Margiela, Tom Ford, Le Labo, Kilian, the aforementioned Diptyque and many more.
Get them 1, even 2 options to try, and hey, throw one in for yourself. My personal recommendation is Bottled Bourgeoisie No. 3 inspired by Montale’s Arabians Tonka.
Misc En Scène T Shirt from the IVY WOLK WASN’T IN IT Collection – $43 to $50
There has never been a better moment to hop on the #IvyWolkInnocent train. Though the custodians of beauty behind Misc-En-Scène have a near-perfect catalog of tees, their latest collection featuring young Hollywood starlet Ivy Wolk is sublime. If your girlfriend has seen Anora (rhetorical, I know she has) she will want one of these tees.
My fave piece from the drop has got to be the HARDCORE WOLKTRESS tee— an homage to the 1979 Paul Schrader film Hardcore that depicts Ivy’s iconic red carpet mixup, “Oh my god, I wasn’t in it.”
Personalized BIC Lighter – $29+
I’m going to go out on a limb and say your gf/bf is addicted to nicotine or in denial about their addiction to weed. Either way, they always need a lighter! A sexy yet practical option for them is a personalized lighter from BIC. You can wrap them in pictures of yourself, their cat, or an aesthetically pleasing screencap you pulled off Pinterest. You can only order them in packs, so this is a great idea if you have a few people to shop for or if you want to ensure your S.O never has to ask for a light again. However, you should probably hop to it since they take a couple weeks to arrive.
Bread Bag Clip Coasters – $36
If your partner insists on only owning unique, statement household pieces, look no further than these incredible one-of-a-kind (don’t fact check that) bright orange coasters in the shape of a bread bag clip. My friend put me on to these hidden etsy-gems and I haven’t stopped thinking about them since. They’re, again, practical, but mainly whimsical and special. They will perfectly match the primary-colour, post-modern vibe of their studio apartment.
Perfectly Imperfect Subscription – $6 to $64
For REAL recommendations on ACTUAL cool things, you have to be following Perfectly Imperfect. They recently moved their whole platform off of Substack to a new beautiful website (and app) that you can scroll around on for free like it’s 2012 tumblr. Better yet, you can support PI directly now without giving a cut to S**s****.
A premium subscription is only $6/month or $64/year for the ultra newsletter experience. It’s a perfectly perfect gift for your special person who wants to know what kind of pickle their favourite indie singer likes. Premium allows you to access the PI archive with reccos from icons like Charli XCX, Michael Imperioli and everyone in between.
Moka Pot – $30 to $80
The most gender neutral gift you can give is the gift of coffee. Not enough people are on the Moka Pot train, which is arguably the easiest and most affordable way to brew. The industrial bulk of an espresso machine is unsightly. The French press is a bit pretentious. A classic 12 cup coffee maker is laughable and should only be in motel rooms. Everyone with a stove and water can use a Moka pot and craft a divine cuppa. The classic Bialetti design is chic and minimalist, but you can go all out and get a c*nty one like this Alessi one.
DedCool Poop Drops – $25
A gift for everyone because everybody shits. Aside from their staple fragrances, DedCool is home to a lot of enticing home products that could have easily made this list. But in my opinion, if someone got me laundry detergent for Christmas, no matter how good it smells, I’m disappointed and a little upset. Poop Drops, however, serve a deeply important purpose and will last you a lifetime depending on your diet. The DCPD’s are useful to all, and will bring a funny full circle moment to your inside joke about never pooping at your boyfriend’s house.
Nothing Matters Stress Ball – $21
Everyone loves a novelty gift—something borderline useless that might see the light of day once or twice but mostly exists to be dumb and cute. This heart-shaped nihilistic stress ball designed by artist Adam JK could come in handy during the 8am work calls or the 2am lovers quarrels, or could just look nice on your desk. It certainly could be a conversation starter for a first-time house guest, “haha where did you get tha—is that a stress ball? that’s sick.” If a stress ball doesn’t hit for you, the artist’s entire collection is an onslaught of unique, inexpensive, not-too-cringe novelty gifts.
Gregg Araki’s Teen Apocalypse Trilogy Criterion Box Set – $66
Any Criterion Collection DVD is a safe gift for the film hoe/bro in your life—key word safe. Why not one-up that idea and get them a Criterion curated box set? Criterion has a small selection of box sets to offer, but the Gregg Araki one will not disappoint. Whether your giftee loves Araki, or ‘never got into him,’ you can’t go wrong with the Teen Apocalypse trilogy set featuring Totally Fucked Up, The Doom Generation, and Nowhere. If anything, they will thank you for not traumatizing them with a Mysterious Skin rewatch.
A Book – $10 to $60
I know what you’re thinking, a book to finish the list? Not even a specific book? This is where you come in and show just how well you know your better half by selecting a book you think they would connect with. Some pointers: avoid new releases—pick an older, even classic novel because even if they don’t want it, they will feel dumb for never having read it and pretend to like it! If a novel feels too subjective, go for an adult picture book (aka coffee table book). Do your due diligence and take a peek at their dusty stack to ensure they don’t already own it.
If you’re still clueless, here are some ideas: Jean-Paul Sartre’s autobiography ‘The Words’ for the sad boys, ‘Election Day‘ by Juergen Teller for the fashion girlies, an A24 screenplay book for the simpletons, or ‘On the South Mountain’ for the true crime weirdos.
That concludes the ODDCRITIC 2024 gift guide. If you’re still to broke for these options, a handmade card is always nice.
