“For a moment I felt joyful, and then I felt completely exhausted.”
-Ottessa Moshfegh, My Year of Rest and Relaxation
As the season arrives once again, the air is filled with that unmistakable sense of excitement. Santa’s preparing for his big night, the temperature drops, and the twinkling lights of holiday decorations light up every corner. Families come together to celebrate, basking in the warmth of the Christmas spirit. Classic holiday films like Miracle on 34th Street or the occasionally questionable Hallmark movie—a hot single dad and a city girl who abandons her dreams to live on a Christmas tree farm—take over the screen. But for some, Christmas is far from the picture-perfect ideal. Just like families themselves, the holiday season isn’t always as flawless as it seems.
I cling to my glass of chardonnay as if it’s the only thing anchoring me to the table. The questions hit me like a flurry of snow: “So, what’s your plan?” “Any boyfriends?” “How’s school?” “Film? Oh, and what’s your backup?” Though they’re asked with kindness, the underlying expectations are impossible to ignore. I sometimes wonder if there’s a way to sleep my way through the holidays, much like the main character of Ottessa Moshfegh’s My Year of Rest and Relaxation.
Wouldn’t it be tempting to retreat into a haze of cigarette smoke, bitter coffee and self-inflicted hibernation, shutting out the world’s demands and expectations? As childhood wonder fades and the rose-colored glasses come off, winter transforms into something entirely different—a billowing snowball of late-stage capitalism induced stress. Instead of retreating to my pink fluffy bed for the foreseeable future, it’s in these moments that I turn to entertainment that feels like it truly gets me.
My Year of Rest and Relaxation follows the story of an unnamed protagonist who, disillusioned with life, embarks on an attempt to “hibernate” through an entire year. She seeks to escape the pressures of modern life, including toxic relationships, emotional numbness, and the overwhelming expectations placed on her. To achieve this, she uses a combination of prescription drugs and isolation, retreating into a self-imposed cocoon of sleep and detachment. Throughout the novel, the protagonist wrestles with the absurdity of her quest, ultimately revealing the dark, irony-filled side of trying to escape the complexities of life. This novel encapsulates the seasonal depression that arrives likes clockwork every year.
Another addition to my collection of comfort media sharply contrasts the reality-escaping attempts in My Year of Rest and Relaxation. The Bear’s raw, unfiltered chaos in season two’s Christmas episode, “Fishes,” offers an opposite approach to confronting life’s messiness. While Moshfegh’s protagonist isolates herself to avoid the turmoil, The Bear plunges directly into it. Michael says to his brother, “I’m happy you’re home, Bear.” Just before heading inside, Carmy looks up at the sky and mutters, “Pray for us.”
“Ma, how can I help?” Carmy says as he walks into the kitchen, his mother is frantically preparing dishes as the house fills with guests. The pressure mounts, the chaos intensifies, pulling us deeper into the fraught environment, with camera work that makes us feel like we’re right there with them. As Carmy tries to navigate the madness, the anxiety reaches its peak. In a moment of exhaustion, he snaps, “I’m doing the best I can!”
As the dinner scene unfolds, with family tensions boiling over and emotions running high, it becomes clear that Fishes isn’t just a holiday episode—it’s a raw reflection of the burdens we carry during the season. In many ways, Carmy and the protagonist from My Year of Rest and Relaxation are two sides of the same coin. One tries to escape the chaos through isolation, while the other is thrust directly into it, both struggling to cope with the overwhelming expectations of life. Whether through withdrawal or confrontation, both characters reveal the emotional toll that life’s messiness takes—showing us that avoiding or facing it doesn’t make it any easier. So how should we deal with the holidays?
I’m not trying to pull a Tiny Tim, but I do think that one thing often lost during the holiday season is acceptance. Whether it’s the pressure to host the perfect gathering or the frantic rush to buy gifts, we tend to forget the real point: none of us are perfect, our families aren’t, and the seemingly perfect families next door aren’t either. While the holidays are about family, they also serve as a reminder to protect your own peace amidst the chaos.
