As the August sun begins to set, the realization that this column would be come my Everest dawned on me. How am I supposed to come up with a list of things to make the people excited, when I, myself, cannot muster a glimmer of emotion? I turned to my support system, “what are YOU looking forward to that I could include?” Crickets. It’s not just me—everyone is broke, sexless, and agitated. The prospect of a new A24 movie isn’t enough right now. Despite my hollowed view, I managed to round up the few things that carved out a smile from my locked jaw.
1. Addison Rae’s Feet
The headline is clickbait, sorry! Though her supple feet are on full display in her masterpiece music video for Diet Pepsi, what I’m really looking forward to is literally whatever she does next. An album? Pre-saving now. Another Eli Roth movie? Pirating immediately. Nothing but posting and doing the splits? I’m her biggest fan. As mentioned in one of our recent articles, Addisoncore is the past, present, and future. Her inability to flop should be studied and revered. I am firmly seated to watch her career rise, and will simultaneously prohibit my boyfriend from ever laying eyes on her.
2. Folie à Discourse
My dopamine levels are running dangerously low, all that can revive me is a movie-musical sequel of a Todd Phillips movie wherein Lady Gaga plays a version of Harley Quinn named Harleen Quinzel. Only a $200 million dollar creation this utterly stupid will cure my forthcoming seasonal depression. The real anticipation, however, is not for the film itself, but for the probable mass hysteria surrounding its theatrical release. I can hardly remember a better time to be on Twitter than the 2019 opening week of Joker. News outlets were in an absolute frenzy over the idea that every single showing of the film would likely result in a mass shooting. My dream for the late 2024 release of Folie à Deux is that another incel bottomfeeder will get his mom’s basement suite raided after tweeting “one ticket for joker please” while holding up two AK-47s.
3. More Controversial Casting
In a recent Rolling Stone interview, Francis Ford Coppola revealed that some of the casting choices for his upcoming film Megalopolis were no coincidence. Besides the lead actors, the cast includes Shia LaBeouf, Jon Voight, and Dustin Hoffman—all of whom are considered unfavourable by the internet. Coppola explained, “The cast features people who were canceled at one point or another. There were people who are archconservatives and others who are extremely politically progressive.” Similarly, the internet (or a few people on X) had a meltdown over the casting of Dasha Nekrasova in Celine Song’s Materialists, with many questioning why ‘cancelled’ people continue to get hired. X users often fail to realize that decision-makers in Hollywood are not as chronically online as them. Filmmakers tend to prioritize artistic integrity over public opinion, and encourage their audiences to think critically and open their mind to a multitude of ideas. Opening the door for more controversial casting choices is a necessary step in combating the hive mind naivety of the internet.
4. Polka Dots Are Back
Fruit-prints are a thing of the past, the Y2K style is tired and frankly gauche. While these trends remind us that subtlety in fashion is overrated, they lack the sophistication of the timeless polka dot. Equal parts twee and mod, the pattern evokes a nostalgic irony that fashion hasn’t seen since She & Him’s last album drop. Polka dots have infiltrated every level of fashion, from Miu Miu to Urban Outfitters, gracing style icons like Margot Robbie and Devon Lee Carlson. If you are under the age of 30, you know that if Devon Lee’s wearing it, the trend isn’t just happening, it’s already sold out. I’m donating my cherry-print skirts and embracing the dot. I want to start dressing like a cross between a 1920’s Miss America contestant and Minnie Mouse. Nothing says effortlessly chic quite like a pattern that has been around for longer than the microwave.
5. The End of Brat Summer
As I begrudgingly dust off my SAD Lamp, I find solace in the fact that these must be final days of brat summer. This is not an attempt to be contrarian—I love summer and I loved Charli XCX’s album. As with most things, it’s people that ruin it. I’m ready to bid farewell to a season of perpetual tantrums masquerading as self-expression. There’s approximately 10 people in this world that are truly brat, and even they retired the vibe back in July. I’m tired of bass drops by The Dare and lyrics that read like a rebellious teen’s diary, I’m craving something with a bit more depth—like, say, a Lil Peep remix that samples Elliott Smith. Let’s call it: ‘people who have committed suicide autumn.’